He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
