Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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