i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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