My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
