If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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