I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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