you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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