I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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