if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
