the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
