I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
