im drinking this country out of the recession.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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