So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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