My first STD was from a foam party
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
