And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
