love makes seman taste better
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
