Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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