Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
