remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
