He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
