Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
