Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
