how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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