yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
