he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
