I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think people are normalizing furries
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
