I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
