I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
