dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
