Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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