Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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