I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
