Do you still have your period?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
