wat bout pragnant strippers??
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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