considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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