Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
