Small penises have feelings too.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's like heaven, but drunker
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
