i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
