Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
