Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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