my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dick very happy bro
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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