Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
