My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
