It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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