I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
