so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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