The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
