apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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