she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
