she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
