i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
