its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
